The Measure of a Man

The theme or topic I an focusing on this month is a tough one. It comes in so many different varieties and can debilitate even the strongest; most popular; funniest or most normal person. An analogy came to mind and as I began to ponder and research my thoughts, turns out I'm not the only one that uses it, so here goes anyway. One of my favorite weapon systems that I had the privilege of building a fond memory and relationship with is the M2 .50 caliber machine gun. Those blessed to at least familiarize themselves with this beautiful and blessed sweet talker, know the power and down right devastation she can spread in a short amount of time.  This is where my analogy ties in. If the Ma Deuce isn't taken care of or is neglected, she can become a disaster. Each time the M2 was cleaned or reassembled a Headspace and timing check was apart of the function test of the weapon system. When everything was dress right dress, she performed like a champ. But if a person neglected...

The intention of this post is to muster conversations and inspire thoughts and comments. Everyone in their life faces times of uncertainty of pain, or even fear and doubt. The question I raise and look forward to the discussions that follow is this... Why in these times of chaos and question, even when a person is surrounded by friends and loved ones and incredible support, I would even add assistance, both physical and/or financial, do people often feel the most alone or empty? Please comment with your thoughts and feelings. My thoughts and feelings as well as my attempt to answer. There has been an underlying trend and thought process over the last few posts that addresses, at least a part, of what I feel are contributing factors to this conundrum. There is the ongoing discussion of goals and dreams vs. contentment or satisfaction, along with the complacency or gratitude. I have spent time reading, studying and pondering; as well as exercising (getting my butt kicked in therapy...

Squeezing into the MRI dungeon, I mean tube, never gets any easier. Although I will admit being crammed inside without 10000000 extra pillows and towels to support my arm and shoulder, do make it more endurable. I have now successfully completed two full scans without needing to be drugged. To me this is both a huge win, but also a huge miracle. The thought of again being squished into a sardine can causes a ridiculous amount of anxiety, so the fact I have made it twice in a row without heavy medications seems unreal. After the scans, I have now been blessed to have three additional months before I need to worry about treatment (Chemo and radiation), or about being jammed into the tube again. I just completed my six- month scans and tests, and for now at least everything is status quo, the tumor is unchanged since my three-month scans in October. This is both a blessing and a miserable reality of what is ahead. My oncologist admitted how little is known about the type of tumor,...

This post is about three days later than I wanted, but better late than never. This is a post of complete excitement and gratitude for unexpected blessings and unknown pathways. Since I have been home from the hospital, and trying to figure out life, some people have been placed in my path that I thought were there to simply help cover some financial burdens. They have put my kids on scholarship to cover their tuition so they could continue to train and compete. I believed it was for the kids these incredible people came into our lives and extended an arm of support. It turns out I am the one that has been blessed with an arm of friendship and support. A very unforeseen door was opened, and a very foreign world was introduced. Without thinking, and a bit of desperation to be active and involved in something I jumped. Now here I am six months later, having taken part in a first-time event that showed me there are avenues that are unseen but certainly life altering. Not only...

I have had many great responses, feedback even criticism over the last couple posts; for which I am very grateful and am having a lot of fun. I am grateful for the advice and I hope others are gaining as well. Keeping with the goals and dreams or expectations verses contentment. I was sitting in a sacrament meeting and I really enjoyed the talks. I have taken a lot of what was said and twisted it to serve my purposes. Since we have entered the year 2020, let's twist that to an eye exam, "2020 is a year of vision." We all know hind sight is 20/20, because its much clearer than what is ahead. It is also difficult to focus on so many things at one time. In the sacrament meeting they spoke about, "Adjust Your Focus." The example was given: When driving if you stare at the road directly in front of the car it is difficult to stay in the lane; but but adjusting your focus and raising your gaze and look down the road, it is much easier to better picture. Her...

There is much to be said about building hopes and dreams. It actually is a vital part to our existence. So I ask, when is it no longer hopes and dreams, and no longer a positive, motivating and uplifting driving force. I sit day by day building myself for an unknown future, with expectations of perfect health and an ability to again one day train, resulting from dedicated and relentless self abuse a.k.a. physical therapy and doctors appointments, repetition after repetition, battle after battle, fall after fall. I have always been a dreamer but to make up for many regrets and to overcome doubts, I create hopeless expectations, that may be realistic in some other realm or dimension, but only breed failure, frustration and disappointment. It makes it very difficult to identify the victories along the journey when a timeline or bench mark isn't achieved. The old saying, "It's better to shoot for the moon and miss, you will still be among the stars," drives apart o...

I looked up the word hero in the dictionary.  There are four definitions for the word, the first and the fourth are my favorites and where my current focus lies.  1-  a:  a mythological or legendary figure often of divine descent   endowed   with great strength or ability b:  an  illustrious  warrior c:  a person admired for achievements and  noble  qualities d:  one who shows great courage 4-   an object of extreme admiration and  devotion   :  IDOL Everyone has and needs a hero in their life.  At least one, and it doesn't matter if that changes or adds to daily.  I had in mind to recognize three of my heroes, but instead will focus on two unsung heroes that impact my life every single day.   Many have followed my updates about my hero that passed away from battling cancer, and about my friend the Cap'n.  They rightfully deserve every ounce of admiration and e...