I Don't Want To Go
Another miracle/blessing realized after a lifetime of preparation.
I don't remember much of the first few days after the brain surgery, other than the doctor and nurses asked an endless barrage of questions. I don't know or remember anything I answered, but I do remember the responses.
I can't remember what exactly was said but the gist was; It's a miracle that he can communicate at all. The location of the tumor should be impacting all of his basic communication function, on top of the general motor function. Technically, he should be a drooling squash. The fact that he is responding to all our questions and understanding the majority of what is said, this is a miracle.
I spent at least an hour every day for the next four weeks in speech therapy. Taking cognitive function tests, and problem solving tests. I was initially diagnosed with moderate short-term memory loss; as well as minor impairment of cognitive function. Minor meaning, difficulty to find words and thought processes.
The therapist continually tested over and over, to get a more accurate result. I was always able to answer questions and get to solutions, not always the correct solution, but I could slowly follow some sort of thought process. This frustrated my therapist. During normal conversation, he struggled to identify mistake patterns, other than a lost word. He stated several times, the only proof that any damage occurred is the test results. A person that doesn't know me would't know any difference, and people that do wouldn't notice if I slowed down even a little.
Much of the initial results were attributed to the trauma and swelling. As time passed these issues have lessened and continue to improve.
Fast Forward to October...
I have had constant evaluations and tests, some to track progress, some to determine a status quo, others I honestly don't understand at all.
One such appointment required me to go to Provo. This required a major shuffle in daily schedules and routines to get there. Neither my wife or I were especially happy about this appointment, nevertheless, we made the trip for yet another psychological evaluation.
This evaluation consisted of an hour and a half of more cognitive function testing. But as the testing concluded, the evaluator looked up a said jokingly;
"I bet it's been a challenge to teach yourself to write with your left hand,on top of everything else you've been dealing with."
"Thankfully I'm left handed, so this has been a blessing from the beginning." I responded.
"Really, Huh?!?" He said as he sat up and played with his beard. "How much do you believe the whole left brain, right brain theories?" He asked. I shared a little of my background, and my opinion.
"Well, there is one documented fact that is proven true to the left/right brain stories. Left handed people are the very few, only 10%, of the world's population that it's a proven fact. Communication happens in the left hemisphere. However its is proven that for true left handed people, communication occurs in the right hemisphere. So had you been anyone else on the planet, the tumor would have turned you into a vegetable, but because you are left handed, It never even touched your communication area. So the miracle wasn't at the hospital, it was way before."
As I rolled out of his office in my wheelchair, I stopped in the lobby. I was completely overcome with the reassuring love of our Heavenly Father, that he knew from the beginning that I would face this adventure. I knew at that moment, I am supposed to learn something from this, if nothing more than the reality, that God loves us, and has a plan for us. More importantly that he may not remove our trials, but he will always prepare a way, or prepare us to be able to succeed. In my case, I was blessed at a young age to be left handed, which developed my brain accordingly. So at the time of the trial,
"the Lord did strengthen them (me) that they (I) could bear up their (my) burdens with ease, and they dis submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord." - Mosiah 24:15
As I climbed into the car where my wife waited, I was excited to share with her, the real reason for the trip. It wasn't for the psychological exam, it was for me to have the opportunity to receive such a powerful personal revelation, and reassurance. That my trial wasn't removed, but I had my entire life preparing for this and more.
-Nate Taylor
I don't remember much of the first few days after the brain surgery, other than the doctor and nurses asked an endless barrage of questions. I don't know or remember anything I answered, but I do remember the responses.
I can't remember what exactly was said but the gist was; It's a miracle that he can communicate at all. The location of the tumor should be impacting all of his basic communication function, on top of the general motor function. Technically, he should be a drooling squash. The fact that he is responding to all our questions and understanding the majority of what is said, this is a miracle.
I spent at least an hour every day for the next four weeks in speech therapy. Taking cognitive function tests, and problem solving tests. I was initially diagnosed with moderate short-term memory loss; as well as minor impairment of cognitive function. Minor meaning, difficulty to find words and thought processes.
The therapist continually tested over and over, to get a more accurate result. I was always able to answer questions and get to solutions, not always the correct solution, but I could slowly follow some sort of thought process. This frustrated my therapist. During normal conversation, he struggled to identify mistake patterns, other than a lost word. He stated several times, the only proof that any damage occurred is the test results. A person that doesn't know me would't know any difference, and people that do wouldn't notice if I slowed down even a little.
Much of the initial results were attributed to the trauma and swelling. As time passed these issues have lessened and continue to improve.
Fast Forward to October...
I have had constant evaluations and tests, some to track progress, some to determine a status quo, others I honestly don't understand at all.
One such appointment required me to go to Provo. This required a major shuffle in daily schedules and routines to get there. Neither my wife or I were especially happy about this appointment, nevertheless, we made the trip for yet another psychological evaluation.
This evaluation consisted of an hour and a half of more cognitive function testing. But as the testing concluded, the evaluator looked up a said jokingly;
"I bet it's been a challenge to teach yourself to write with your left hand,on top of everything else you've been dealing with."
"Thankfully I'm left handed, so this has been a blessing from the beginning." I responded.
"Really, Huh?!?" He said as he sat up and played with his beard. "How much do you believe the whole left brain, right brain theories?" He asked. I shared a little of my background, and my opinion.
"Well, there is one documented fact that is proven true to the left/right brain stories. Left handed people are the very few, only 10%, of the world's population that it's a proven fact. Communication happens in the left hemisphere. However its is proven that for true left handed people, communication occurs in the right hemisphere. So had you been anyone else on the planet, the tumor would have turned you into a vegetable, but because you are left handed, It never even touched your communication area. So the miracle wasn't at the hospital, it was way before."
As I rolled out of his office in my wheelchair, I stopped in the lobby. I was completely overcome with the reassuring love of our Heavenly Father, that he knew from the beginning that I would face this adventure. I knew at that moment, I am supposed to learn something from this, if nothing more than the reality, that God loves us, and has a plan for us. More importantly that he may not remove our trials, but he will always prepare a way, or prepare us to be able to succeed. In my case, I was blessed at a young age to be left handed, which developed my brain accordingly. So at the time of the trial,
"the Lord did strengthen them (me) that they (I) could bear up their (my) burdens with ease, and they dis submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord." - Mosiah 24:15
As I climbed into the car where my wife waited, I was excited to share with her, the real reason for the trip. It wasn't for the psychological exam, it was for me to have the opportunity to receive such a powerful personal revelation, and reassurance. That my trial wasn't removed, but I had my entire life preparing for this and more.
-Nate Taylor
Dude! Chills! That’s nuts! And so rad!
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