Headspace and Timing
The theme or topic I an focusing on this month is a tough one. It comes in so many different varieties and can debilitate even the strongest; most popular; funniest or most normal person. An analogy came to mind and as I began to ponder and research my thoughts, turns out I'm not the only one that uses it, so here goes anyway.
One of my favorite weapon systems that I had the privilege of building a fond memory and relationship with is the M2 .50 caliber machine gun. Those blessed to at least familiarize themselves with this beautiful and blessed sweet talker, know the power and down right devastation she can spread in a short amount of time.
This is where my analogy ties in. If the Ma Deuce isn't taken care of or is neglected, she can become a disaster. Each time the M2 was cleaned or reassembled a Headspace and timing check was apart of the function test of the weapon system. When everything was dress right dress, she performed like a champ. But if a person neglected to properly perform the tests, let's just say, bad day. The test is performed using special keys that needed to be kept safe and undamaged.
We are so much like the M2, we need to perform function tests daily. If our headspace and timing is off we too will eventually explode. What causes a person's headspace and timing to misfire? I can only speak to my own experiences, so I hope it is at least in the ball park for someone else. I continue to battle through therapy every day. The last three sessions I have identified three different muscle groups that I have zero feeling and/or I have zero function. This hits like a punch straight to the liver, perfectly combined with a crushing blow to the nose blinding everything. The immediate thoughts "Is this worth the fight?" Or, "What is the point, I'm destined to be a cripple?!?"
Even though the thoughts may be fleeting or in passing, the damage is done. The lingering trauma from that negative moment was real! Now it spreads into completely unrelated aspects of life. It is easy to attack and lose all patients with family or even friends. Motivation to do even the most basic activity is gone. Even favorite hobbies become burdensome or downright blah. It then carries into the night and yet another sleepless night, which in and of itself amplifies the dangerous "D" word. The darker and longer the tunnel grows, or the deeper the quicksand sinks, the conclusion is reached of desperation and helpless. These are accompanied by another made up word we used in the Army when trying to train resiliency, catastrophizing, meaning everything is immediately worst case scenario, or failure automatically leads to the next failure, again quicksand. The side effects are not only mental, but are very much physical, emotional and spiritual.
When I am battling demons I immediately feel distanced from everyone and everything. Especially God, "How can you love a puke like me?" So the reaction is to run away or to shelter in place and avoid all interactions.
I am blessed to have a battle buddy that text or calls all the time to perform a function test on me. Depression literally kills, which is a topic right now I am not ready to breach. I do want to focus this month on depression and how it has so much power over our lives, and how we can TOGETHER corral the demons. Find that battle buddy that will do function tests on a regular and reoccurring basis. Find that deep down truth that, We are loved no matter what, by an Eternal Father in Heaven, and the hardest part, give yourself permission to feel joy and be happy.
Please comment and share, no one needs to battle alone.
-Nate Taylor
This is where my analogy ties in. If the Ma Deuce isn't taken care of or is neglected, she can become a disaster. Each time the M2 was cleaned or reassembled a Headspace and timing check was apart of the function test of the weapon system. When everything was dress right dress, she performed like a champ. But if a person neglected to properly perform the tests, let's just say, bad day. The test is performed using special keys that needed to be kept safe and undamaged.
Even though the thoughts may be fleeting or in passing, the damage is done. The lingering trauma from that negative moment was real! Now it spreads into completely unrelated aspects of life. It is easy to attack and lose all patients with family or even friends. Motivation to do even the most basic activity is gone. Even favorite hobbies become burdensome or downright blah. It then carries into the night and yet another sleepless night, which in and of itself amplifies the dangerous "D" word. The darker and longer the tunnel grows, or the deeper the quicksand sinks, the conclusion is reached of desperation and helpless. These are accompanied by another made up word we used in the Army when trying to train resiliency, catastrophizing, meaning everything is immediately worst case scenario, or failure automatically leads to the next failure, again quicksand. The side effects are not only mental, but are very much physical, emotional and spiritual.
When I am battling demons I immediately feel distanced from everyone and everything. Especially God, "How can you love a puke like me?" So the reaction is to run away or to shelter in place and avoid all interactions.
I am blessed to have a battle buddy that text or calls all the time to perform a function test on me. Depression literally kills, which is a topic right now I am not ready to breach. I do want to focus this month on depression and how it has so much power over our lives, and how we can TOGETHER corral the demons. Find that battle buddy that will do function tests on a regular and reoccurring basis. Find that deep down truth that, We are loved no matter what, by an Eternal Father in Heaven, and the hardest part, give yourself permission to feel joy and be happy.
Please comment and share, no one needs to battle alone.
-Nate Taylor
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