I Can't See

The intention of this post is to muster conversations and inspire thoughts and comments. Everyone in their life faces times of uncertainty of pain, or even fear and doubt. The question I raise and look forward to the discussions that follow is this... Why in these times of chaos and question, even when a person is surrounded by friends and loved ones and incredible support, I would even add assistance, both physical and/or financial, do people often feel the most alone or empty? Please comment with your thoughts and feelings. My thoughts and feelings as well as my attempt to answer. There has been an underlying trend and thought process over the last few posts that addresses, at least a part, of what I feel are contributing factors to this conundrum. There is the ongoing discussion of goals and dreams vs. contentment or satisfaction, along with the complacency or gratitude. I have spent time reading, studying and pondering; as well as exercising (getting my butt kicked in therapy day in and day out), to what end? To go home and die (take a very long nap) for the rest of the day, in hopes that someday I "might" be able to walk on my own, or "might" be able to use my hand and arm for something more than a really bad paper weight? These aren't even questions I ask anymore, truthfully never did. There has always been a level of acceptance. I said acceptance not contentment. The reality is everything really sucks, there is no end in sight. Pains sucks, boredom and frustration are constant. So getting back to the question at hand. Why the feeling of emptiness even in overwhelming love and support. The more I have researched, and soul searched. Much of the emptiness, fear or even regret manifests from unknowns. For me as a husband and father, the question on my mind every day is, how am I going to support mt family and fulfill MY responsibilities as a man, a father, or husband? Having to sit back and watch others fulfill my responsibilities or even hobbies, hurts. A person can be full of gratitude, but still find themselves lacking. The emptiness and fear grow without tangible factors. Depression and anxiety are real demons that people hide. The real scary piece is most people caught in quicksand wouldn't say they are sinking, if for no other reason they don't want to feel ungrateful or do draw more attention to the fact they are more broken than they will admit. Too often each one of us are faced with uncertainties and with gaps in our own stories. I have noticed in my own story, the gaps are the moments of doubt and despair. Times of action and excitement are real, but like everything, it comes to an end. I listened to a commencement talk referring to the 16th second. We all experience the 15 seconds of excitement; glory or fame. But what about the 16th, the moments after the celebration? Do we fall to complacency and satisfaction, or do we ignore our accomplishments and only look to tomorrow? The more people I talk with and swap scar stories, I have really noticed a difference in the direction of the individuals progression and outlook, based on one important aspect of their life. Simply stated "let Him in." The darkest shadows, or the endless tunnels are all still only temporary. The gaps narrow and disappear as we allow Him onto our lives and as we accept His role and plan. Having faith that God has a plan for us, and that the our Savior's atonement is real and meant to be applied every day of our lives, not only after this mortal test. Let Him in, and fill the gaps. All of the grief and sorrows, fears and doubts can be washed away, we simply need to open the door and let Him in. The Atonement does not remove the pain or trials, rather enables us to have power over them to endure and find the victory or light at the end of the long dark tunnel. The truest answer to the question at hand, by applying the Savior's Atonement, all doubts and sorrows, every pool of quicksand turns to cement and can no longer take hold. Let Him in and let the JOY and LOVE that he intends for each of us, to fill your heart. As always remember there truly is a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how dark or how long. -Nate Taylor